Sunday, October 28, 2012
Thank you so much for existing. I was getting pretty jaded there for a second and then you came along to cast a big shining light on my life. I don’t even care if we actually hook up (well, sort of). I’m just happy that you’re there.
I don’t know you that well, which is kind of great because it allows me to run wild with my imagination. Maybe you’re the kind of person who likes to nibble on earlobes or cut the crust off their sandwiches or maybe you’re actually a raging jerk who’s selfish in bed. I really have no idea. I like not knowing. It lets me create a pretty picture of you and I having picnics, kissing under streetlights, getting tangled in bed on a Sunday afternoon, getting stoned and listening to records when it’s raining, and going grocery shopping for juice and sundried tomato spread. All of these things are possible in my head. You could be this person.
Crushes are a wonderful thing. Everyone responds to them in the same way with this childlike sense of excitement and wonder. You can be 65 and still feel a smile develop when you’re listening to “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” because you get it and it gets you.
You represent possibility, a possibility of change and romance, of giving me something I’ve been craving for so long. And you don’t even know it! You’re just sitting there being cute and crushworthy, not even aware of the joy you’ve been giving me. If you knew, maybe you would be really creeped out or maybe you’d realize you felt the same way about me. I won’t know until I actually do something about it.
Therein lies the dilemma of having a crush. Do you actually want to act on it? Do you want to give them your phone number and resign yourself to feeling miserable until they finally text you? Sometimes it’s fun to just have the crush. The PG fantasy. Sometimes I don’t actually need to see you naked IRL. I just need you to be there and be whoever I want you to be in my mind. It’s not always about actually seeing if you can get into a relationship with your crush. Sometimes they’re just there to make everything easier for you and become the highlight of your day. They’re there to make you feel younger and happier and silly. They add brighter colors to an otherwise drab period of your life.
So I don’t think I’m going to do anything about it. I think I’m just going to let it be. I’m going to keep you as my dream person and not have reality ruin anything. Don’t think of this as a sad thing. You’ll be the crush who will never be able to crush me.