Daily Cookie

Love: 101 - Things I’ve learned.

• You should never ruin an apology, with an excuse.
  When you’re wrong, bringing yourself to apologize is the hardest part - why ruin it with an excuse?
  If you’re truly sorry for what you did, just apologize, and leave it at that. 
   
• Either you control your attitude, or it controls you.
  It’s one thing to get angry about this or about that, but when you become an angry person, your attitude is no longer yours - it is YOU. 
  Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a  blowout, angry as all get out, but regretting every passing second? Have you ever been yelling, saying words that you know you will regret, but can’t stop, because you’re already heated up and rolling?
  Getting a rein on your pride THEN and apologizing THEN is the best way to go, because if the person is worth it, you’re going to have to apologize sooner or later. And, it’s better to do it, before you’ve caused pain that you will regret.
  You CAN become your emotions - choose the ones you frequent, well. 
   
• Money is a lousy way of keeping score.
  Money means nothing. What’s really happening, when money becomes the tallymarks on the scorecard is comparing different acts of care/appreciation/love/etc. Except, money is a lousy substitution for these very real things. If buying things/giving money has become a way of showing you care, reevaluate - you are probably doing more damage than good. Because, not only is your loved one not getting the full effect of what you’re really trying to say/do (if they get it at all), but they could be also forming their own personal interpretations of your actions, such as thinking you’re trying to buy them, divert attention from your slip-ups, or trying to shut them up. 
  Say what you mean, and mean what you say. 
   
• Sometimes, when angry, you may have the right to be angry, but it is never right to be cruel.
  Everyone gets angry, but no one stays angry FOREVER. And, if in a relationship that you value, you should avoid acting on your anger, especially if it leads to cruelty. People regret the things they do all the time.
  You never know what may change your mind.
  You never know what you may have been missing.
  We don’t all the time SEE the actual reality of the situation - you don’t want to do/say anything that you regret, later.
  WORDS STICK - and, they have powers far beyond what you may think.
   
• Just because someone may not love you the way you want to be loved does not mean that they don’t love you with all that they have.
  We all go into relationships, with our own personal ideas of what love should be like. 
  We have our own set of expectations for every little thing, such as how your mate should speak to you, treat you, buy for you, do for you, etc.
  But, the dynamic of each relationship is different.
  You have to find out how to make things work for YOU. 
  Everyone expresses their love, in their own personal way.
  Your expectations may be unrealistic - based on fairytales, bad experiences in past relationships, and etc.
  When it comes down to trust and love, experiences affect our psyches, in ways that we can very easily miss.
  Real love takes work, sometimes - if it’s worth it, make it work. 
   
• Two people can look at the exact same thing and see it completely differently.
  PERSPECTIVE - it’s everything. Literally. 
  Our perspective on life is informed by a combination of everything we’ve experienced in life and everyone we have known.
  It’s different for everyone.
  Most arguments are based in misunderstanding, and misunderstanding pretty much comes from not being able to see and understand things from your loved one’s perspective.
  “Oh, I didn’t know you felt that way.”
  “I never really thought about it that way.”
  “There’s no way I could know that.”
  … sound familiar? 
   
• People may forget the things you say and/or the things you do, but people will never forget the way you made them feel. 
   Think back to people you have known in the past.
  When you think of them, is the immediate impression you have of them, based on random thoughts that come flying back of things that person said or things that person did?
  Indirectly, yes, but those are the things that MAKE UP that impression.
  You generally have good feelings about a person or not so good feelings or maybe somewhere in between.
  Pay attention to how the things you SAY and DO make people feel.
  That is what lasts. 
  
  
• It takes a while to build up trust, but only seconds to destroy it.
  Is it really worth it?
  Let’s be real, for a second.
  Do you love them?
  Lies can destroy a relationship in a second, and even if your loved one is forgiving, they can’t just MAKE themselves trust you again.
  If you are still trying to maintain the relationship and have no plans of splitting, you have to deal with that mistrust, because you caused it.
  They have every right to mistrust you (this is not touching on people who hold things over your head - that’s a different story).
  But, you wouldn’t date an idiot and call it real love.
  So, why expect you sweetheart to play dumb, when it comes to the fact that you want to “hang out with your ‘good friend, susie q,’ if you are someone who dipped out and cheated with sally p, the last time you went to chill with a “good friend?”
  Once you give someone a reason to be suspicious, you just have to deal with that mistrust, for as long as it is honestly there.
  Just don’t give them any reason to not trust you.
  If you WANT the relationship you are in, if you LOVE the person you are with, there’s just not any room for lies and games.
  In the end, they will cause you more headache than the headache you’re trying to avoid. 

image courtesy, via flipfloptiptop