Sunday, May 20, 2012
Women can be hard to read. But sometimes they throw off covert signals that scream, “I want you!” Here’s what to look for:
1. I Use Your First Name - I call you by your first name instead of your nickname, because, babe, I’m not one of your buds, nor do I intend to become one.
2. I Wear Lip Gloss - I apply lip gloss often, but not in your presence. (If you witness makeup application of any sort, start calling yourself Chandler—you’re officially a friend.)
3. I Rub My Lips Together - I rub my lips together often in your presence.
4. I’m on the Edge of My Seat - I sit at the edge of my seat.
5. I Talk to You on My Birthday - It’s my birthday, and I’m still talking to you 10 minutes after you bought me a drink. (Note: Birthday girls of any age are easy—doubly so at decade markers.)
6. I Order a Beer - Instead of merlot, I order a Corona, which, conveniently, is served in a bottle—the better to sexily sip from.
7. My Speech Pattern Changes - My speech pattern is starting to resemble, like, Kirsten Dunst’s.
8. I Talk to You While You Smoke - You smoke. I don’t. Yet I’m talking to you.
9. I Touch You - I touch you (for any reason) more than once.
10. I Laugh When Nothing’s Funny - I laugh, frequently and nervously, even amid humorless conversation.
11. I Lean in to Talk - I shout in your ear, because “it’s so loud in here, I can’t hear you!
12. I Say Your Name - I use your name often in conversation.
13. I Compare You to a Celebrity - I tell you that you look like some particular celebrity, which means I think both you and the celebrity are very hot.
14. I Bring Up Vaguely Sexual Topics - I bring up antimatter and black holes, or any other such pseudobrainy and vaguely sexual topic for discussion.
15. I Choose You from a Room of Guys - The place is a rod-fest, yet I’m talking to you and you alone.
16. I Ignore My Cell - My cell phone rings and I don’t answer it. And I turn off my ringer immediately.
17. I Sneakily Ask About a Girlfriend - I say in a quasi-question/observation tone, “Your girlfriend must really like that?!” (A classic fishing-expedition tactic to ascertain whether there’s currently a woman with this title in your life.)
18. I Say You’re Talented - I tell you you’re talented. a) It’s a measured remark, so you know I’m sincere. b) By the Mick Jagger Laws of Chemistry, it must therefore follow that I think you’re damn sexy. Talent is personality salsa: adds hot to any dish.
19. I Call You - I call you first. Or, sometimes, simply, I call you at all.
20. I’ve Changed Twice in One Day - When you take me out for drinks, I’m wearing a different outfit or shoes or carrying a different handbag than when you saw me earlier today.
21. I’m Late But Wearing Makeup - I’m late, but, interestingly, had enough time to put on mascara.
22. I Talk About Your Interests - I tell you about the new Coldplay album, developments in the Pinochet case, or the new limited-release Dave Eggers novel I “just happened to hear about” because last time we spoke, you mentioned your interest in the London sound, international law, or postmodern literature, respectively.
23. I Raise My Eyebrows - I ask you if you know where the coatroom/bathroom/VIP room in this place is. When you tell me, I raise my eyebrows, turn, and walk in the correct direction.
24. I’m in the Bathroom for a Long Time - I’m in the bathroom for more than 3 minutes, which is always more than adequate time to actually pee.
25. I Ask If You Want a Taste - I ask if you want a taste of my dinner, meaning I’m willing to share more than my gnocchi.
26. You Star in My Fantasies - You’ve taken over the starring role in all my fantasies. You have no way of detecting this, just thought you’d like to know.
27. I Remove More Than My Coat - I remove any article of clothing other than my coat.
by Lisa Jones lifted from Men’s Health